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How Women Undercut Their Brilliance -- and How to Stop It - Shared screen with speaker view
Tech Ladies Presenter
01:53
Hello everyone! Welcome!
Tech Ladies Presenter
03:27
yes exactly
Tech Ladies Presenter
05:27
Hi Stephanie! We're excited to have you! Tell us a bit about yourself
Heather Meyer
06:24
Hi all - I'm Heather in Denver, I'm a consultant in healthcare technology.
Tech Ladies Presenter
06:41
Hi Heather in Denver!
Stephanie J
07:11
I am a native New Yorker, currently working in workforce development for the City University of New York. Specifically for a program called Women in Technology NY(WiTNY). I have aspirations of successfully running for public office in the next few years and suffer with imposter syndrome.
Tech Ladies Presenter
07:46
I love the idea of running for office. Amazing!
Stephanie J
10:10
Trying
Tech Ladies Presenter
10:42
Hey, yes lives in the land of no, right?
wendy
12:16
Hi from NYC!
Erna
12:25
Hi from Boston!
sarahschaller
12:40
Another NYC hi!
Kelsey
12:47
Hi from California!
Melissa
13:08
Another NYC hi as well!
Maria Kolmakova
13:24
Hi from NYC
Michelle Camarco
13:30
Hi from NYC as well!
Heather Meyer
14:53
Anybody else out there in Mountain time zone? I'm often the only one :)
Stephanie Kong
16:24
Sunny in SF here!
Ciara White
16:25
Mountain here
Stephanie J
16:26
NYC is sunny, windy and cold
Michelle Camarco
16:26
Its beautiful in NYC, just cold!
Kelly T
16:30
a little chilly but sunny in SF
Kacey
16:33
Rainy Portland :)
jeannette.grand
16:48
Gloomy Dallas
Annie Flippo
16:55
Sunny in L.A.
Lindsay
17:04
Sunny but not warm in SF!
Taryn Baker
18:30
Sunny but windy in Boston
Natalie Cantu
19:58
woooow
Heather Meyer
20:09
I'm still in it after 20 years. Think I'll pat myself on the back now...
Annie Flippo
20:23
25+ years!
Heather Meyer
20:30
Yay Annie!
Judy Snow
21:22
38 years for me! :-)
Annie Flippo
21:36
Woohoo!
Annie Flippo
24:42
Hard to get promoted to leadership even with so much experience
Michelle Camarco
24:50
I’ve been in the job search for a bit, trying to break into a new industry and have been having a hard time competing as a female in sales.
jeannette.grand
24:52
I’m probably my own worst enemy
hoda
24:53
I recently began conducting positive affirmations and I found that confidence in my career is the biggest place where I am lacking
Lindsay
24:55
Many people in my life have told me that I constantly undervalue myself, including my current manager, so this could get better
Shannon Lambert
25:13
Well I'm 15 years into my current career path and I can't get promoted to save my life, even as bosses routinely praise my skills and tell me how I'm doing well in my current job. :(
Erna
25:20
There are so many small things I do that take away from how much I offer. I’m aware of my value, but at times afraid that value supersedes what people need.
Mealear Khiev
25:21
I’m currently job searching as someone new to software engineering and can’t help but feel imposter syndrome a lot after each rejection
Kacey
25:31
I want to better know how to promote myself
Natalie Cantu
25:34
Therapy has been the biggest help for me concerning confidence, etc.
Heather Meyer
25:39
I'm here for encouragement - seeing that other women are making it work helps me keep going.
Katherine Kendall
25:44
I am a part-asian, midwestern-raised woman = the middle of that cultural Venn diagram is not “self-promoter”
Kelly T
25:46
I'm trying to transition into tech and my last job totally beat me up to the point I filed a complaint with HR that went no where, so I quit. But it still haunts me and my confidence. I also want to sell myself better as I job search.
Syreeta Thomas
25:51
I’m absolutely my own biggest critic and I’m sure it’s holding me back
Stephanie Kong
25:52
Being good at what I do seems to work against me. Others, who can’t do but get others to do the work, seem to get ahead b/c they seem to show “leadership qualities.”
Taryn Baker
25:54
just moved to Boston-been job hunting for a while and need a bit of encouragement
Stephanie Brener
25:57
I only just finished my first year in tech and feel like all the men around me have just cut down my creativity and ingenuity
Natalie Cantu
26:30
Don’t give up!
RA
26:34
I have been in the job search for a few months and transitioning to Tech with great Technical Sales background but have had a difficult time competing in sales.
Melanie Cooper
26:43
Powerful
Chrisella Herzog
26:44
Male-associated words
Sheila Babayan
26:45
They’re generally attributed to men
carolscott
26:46
They’re binary — you are or you aren't
jeannette.grand
26:49
Words to describe other people
Heather Meyer
26:56
Those words describe all of us :)
RA
26:56
Power
Syreeta Thomas
26:57
They’re similar but some are stronger than others
Stephanie Brener
26:58
Creativity
Stephanie Kong
26:59
They speak to inherent qualities and not about actions
Stephanie J
27:02
New way of thinking of myself
Annie Flippo
27:06
Qualities of a leader
Terrie Monroe
27:09
Subjective
RA
27:14
Me
Sahiba Sachdeva
27:15
This is in order
Kelly T
27:18
words I aspire to describe me
jeannette.grand
27:18
Positive affirmations
Jhoanne Green
27:18
To do with the mind/brain
Shannon Lambert
27:21
they're progressively more dramatic
Syreeta Thomas
28:48
I would be ok calling myself smart of intelligent but brilliant and genius sounds like something you would call someone else
Syreeta Thomas
29:36
Thats funny I typed that before you asked the question lol
Heather Meyer
29:40
It all depends who I'm with
Pamela
30:05
Ditto… I’m more comfortable saying it about someone else.
Annie Flippo
30:22
my son says he’s a genius all the time
Shannon Lambert
30:24
I can't see the poll but I suspect I'm having technical issues
Stephanie J
30:32
In the last year I developed the self-esteem to call myself smart, intelligent, and brilliant
Kacey
30:41
From the south and the one thing we get right is saying y’all! :)
Shannon Lambert
30:54
no
Christina Sheldon
30:56
Yep
Kacey
31:05
I see it
Stephanie Kong
31:08
It’s separate pop up
Melissa Martin
31:10
There are subjects and topics I might attribute these words for when thinking about myself - but as an overall label I definitely struggle with calling myself brilliant or a genius.
Heather Meyer
31:38
If I take one of those tests, it says I'm a genuis. I don't really tell people though.
Courtney Napoles
31:59
I wonder what the distribution of results would be if the audience was more male...
Mealear Khiev
32:05
^^
Stephanie Brener
32:16
^^^
Sheila Babayan
32:28
+1
Lindsay
32:38
+1
RA
33:21
Spot on
Syreeta Thomas
33:24
That’s. Hilarious.
Shannon
33:28
YES!
Christina Sheldon
33:33
yes
RA
33:34
All the time
RA
33:39
I come from oil/gas
Pamela
33:41
Ha! Yes!
Heather Meyer
33:48
Yep!!
RA
34:00
Being the only girl in the room for 6 years
Mealear Khiev
34:04
omg yesss
Christina Sheldon
34:07
I love this metaphor!!!
Stephanie Brener
34:08
hahaha
Melissa
34:12
hahahaha
RA
34:16
I call that all the time
carolscott
34:27
Also when you hear people talk about their jobs/teams — “I work with a BUNCH of really smart people” — not “I work with great people/I work with hard-working people”
Michelle Camarco
34:38
I worked in construction the last 2.5 years doing sales…this is exactly that.
Erna
34:42
So true Carol!
Pamela
35:22
At a local tech meetup I was listening to an exchange between two guys… one bragging about how the other needed him for their project… they laughed… it was like a bonding moment for them… I was thinking about how women would never have that moment.
Heather Meyer
35:47
Maybe women would have that moment if there were ever 2 of us in the same room.
Annie Flippo
35:48
hahaha
Temi Soleye
35:57
LOOOL
Annie Flippo
36:12
Women will say I need you for my project probably more than you need me for your project
RA
36:47
Just pay attention to their voice, all of the sudden they go from Mike Tyson to Berry White
Kelly T
36:51
I work in a female-dominated field (education for now), but it's incredible on men still dominate the space and the leadership positions
Pamela
36:59
I was imagining a woman speaking with the same swagger as the guys and not being interpreted the same way.
Kacey
37:31
you sound far away holly
Ruth M. Pardee
37:34
Your mic is cutting in and out
Kacey
37:42
Now you’re fine
Kacey
37:45
i thin you were moving
Kacey
37:49
think*
Temi Soleye
39:00
I feel that there is more of a correlation between social & economic influence and male dominated fields than difficulty
Heather Meyer
39:21
that's super interesting!!!
Annie Flippo
39:51
most top women clothing designers are men
Mealear Khiev
40:03
:O
Shannon
40:19
horrifying is correct
RA
40:26
wow
Chrisella Herzog
40:46
can we get a link to this study?
Lindsay
40:50
:(
Mealear Khiev
40:57
:( what can women do?!
Christina Sheldon
41:00
YES
Jessica Sochol
41:02
yea
Syreeta Thomas
41:02
yup
Stephanie J
41:02
Yes
Heather Meyer
41:02
Totally.
Mealear Khiev
41:04
yup
Ruth M. Pardee
41:05
yes
Chrisella Herzog
41:05
oh yeah
Lindsay
41:05
Yes ma’am
Sheila Babayan
41:05
Yep
Annie Flippo
41:07
Oh yeah, baby
Pamela
41:07
yeah :(
Melissa Martin
41:09
definitely
Sam Zoeller
41:11
yes
Shannon
41:13
Yes, holy cow.
kirby mcandrew
41:32
I know so many women who are innately brilliant though!
Heather Meyer
41:49
I think we work really hard to hide our natural intelligence.
Stephanie Brener
41:54
I feel like when i was younger, I was told I could be a genius. But the older you get and in industry, i think people stop viewing you that way
Stephanie Kong
42:08
I associate that with people who tend towards “puffery”— who are assumed brilliant and then you dissect what they are saying and realize they are saying basically nothing
Syreeta Thomas
42:37
If only it were that simple…
Stephanie J
42:47
Yes
Christina Sheldon
42:47
yes
Ruth M. Pardee
42:49
yes
Stephanie J
42:49
It is exhasting
Melissa
42:51
oh yes
kirby mcandrew
42:52
100%
Lindsay
42:53
Oh yeah
Shannon
42:55
yes and I hate that I feel like I have to
RA
42:56
All the time
Lindsay
43:05
looking stupid would just undercut everything right?? :( :(
Chrisella Herzog
43:09
yep, but even when I am being smart, I’m dismissed as not knowing what I’m talking about
Valerie Connell
43:11
"It's better to remain quiet and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt."
Annie Flippo
43:18
look smart, dress smart, speak in a lower voice
Annie Flippo
43:22
Talk like a man
Heather Meyer
43:24
It's OK to look stupid sometimes - nobody knows everything.
Chrisella Herzog
43:36
I do all of this
Christina Sheldon
43:51
Same here
Jessica Sochol
43:58
yes to deep voice! no inflection or upward tilt. try not to laugh or EVER touch my hair
Annie Flippo
44:10
yes, don’t talk like a valley girl!
Kacey
44:21
Related - I researched the avg salary for my position as a means to feel justified in asking for that amount.
Lindsay
44:43
Omg I feel this way about my husband too
RA
45:19
Same here but I am the better half...:)
Lindsay
45:35
haha A+
Stephanie J
45:41
Yes
Stephanie Brener
45:42
yes
Christina Sheldon
45:42
YES
gabriella
45:43
yes
Kelly T
45:44
you're sounding distant again
Stephanie Kong
45:46
But is this because women are questioned more?
Shannon
45:46
mic again.
Stephanie J
45:52
I have been labeled Resourceful
Kacey
45:56
not yet
Stephanie J
45:59
or resource FULL
jeannette.grand
46:02
Still muffled
Annie Flippo
46:04
Yes, I research to death so I have every fact while my male counter parts jus spit ball out ideas
Valerie Connell
46:10
We can hear you!
Ruth M. Pardee
46:12
Better now
Stephanie Brener
46:12
good
Kacey
46:14
Better-ish
Mealear Khiev
46:41
yes when i present an idea to a team of males, i get questioned a loot more than my male counterparts and i have to have research and counterarguments ready every time i have an idea
Heather Meyer
46:44
hahaha, omg, that's me.
akatz
47:12
that's totally me too
Heather Meyer
47:31
I guess that's kind of passive-aggressive of us isn't it...
Annie Flippo
47:34
it’s defending your thesis for the rest of your life
Heather Meyer
47:42
Annie, Yes!!
Christina Sheldon
47:43
omg, yes
carolscott
48:38
“the world is not as primed to look for ways they’re wrong” — SO WELL PUT
Adelina Balasa
49:16
Not asking questions
Jessica Sochol
49:18
“i’ve thought of that, and here’s why it’s wrong”
Kacey
49:23
researching acronyms and other jargon ahead of time
Shannon
49:26
Jessica - that's a great one
Christina Sheldon
49:26
Obsessively researching before putting an opinion out, dressing not-feminine
Stephanie Brener
49:26
i always feel like i have to mention a man who told me this information and so it’s more legit than if I tough out of it myself
carolscott
49:33
spending hours before a meeting researching all possible options so i’m prepared for anything
Kelly T
49:37
Here's the benchmarking (that they're going to ask for)
caitlin
49:42
I compliment other women’s intellect
Stephanie J
49:42
Constantly telling them my background
RA
50:36
hehe
Heather Meyer
50:36
That's a great quote.
Syreeta Thomas
50:37
FACTS
Syreeta Thomas
50:51
I always say this about nice guys… lol
Shannon
51:23
So if you don't tell people you're smart, you aren't. And if you have to tell people, you must not be. And this is why I'm on this webinar! :D
RA
51:39
:)
Syreeta Thomas
51:39
Great point Shannon lol
Shannon
51:57
it's exhausting
Heather Meyer
52:02
Exhaustin!
Lindsay
52:04
exhausting
Jessie Arora
53:22
Love these new strategies. I work for wogrammer.org where we are all about sharing and celebrating the accomplishments of women in engineering.
Lindsay
53:48
Interestingly, the words on the right are also more feminine
RA
54:01
Amen
Shannon
54:03
heck yeah it is!~!
Jessie Arora
54:06
We are so intentional about building a positive narrative. Word choice matters so much.
Jessica Sochol
54:15
yes!
RA
56:46
His
Valerie Connell
57:00
Neither, because cats don't give a sh*t
Christina Sheldon
57:09
haha
Jhoanne Green
58:10
i’m hearing let’s treat them like clowns. Yes? :)
Stephanie Kong
01:00:46
you’re open
Jhoanne Green
01:00:46
Are YOU stupid>
Stephanie J
01:00:46
curiosity
Stephanie Brener
01:00:47
curiosity
Jhoanne Green
01:00:48
?
Temi Soleye
01:00:49
Curiosity
Shannon
01:00:54
inquisitive not defensive
wendy
01:00:59
Less defensive
Stephanie J
01:01:16
Defensive
Stephanie Brener
01:01:16
defensive
RA
01:01:20
More defensive
wendy
01:01:22
accusatory
RA
01:01:41
tone of voice
RA
01:04:08
yes
Shannon
01:04:08
yed
Christina Sheldon
01:04:09
yes
Valerie Connell
01:04:10
Absolutely
akatz
01:04:11
yes, absolutely
Ruth M. Pardee
01:04:19
I would only ever think “do you think I’m stupid”, I’d never say that to someone at work
Heather Meyer
01:04:25
I was about to say this sounds pretty hard.
Ruth M. Pardee
01:07:30
Can you give us some examples?
RA
01:09:46
Nice…
carolscott
01:09:51
Wow!! Congrats!!
Ruth M. Pardee
01:09:52
wow that’s awesome!
Jessica Sochol
01:09:54
DID HE SAY YES?
Temi Soleye
01:09:57
Yay!
Chrisella Herzog
01:10:00
Congratulations!
carolscott
01:10:34
That is outrageously brave!
Valerie Connell
01:11:53
I'm in the Genius category and I OWN IT! :-)
Christina Sheldon
01:12:28
I am :)
Valerie Connell
01:12:32
Thanks! Yes, I'll take you up on it!
RA
01:12:35
Yes I have a career coach now…
Erna
01:13:27
Thanks so much Holly!
Valerie Connell
01:13:31
Thanks, this has been great. I'll reach out.
Annie Flippo
01:13:34
Thanks!
Christina Sheldon
01:13:34
Thank you, Holly!!
Pamela
01:13:36
Thanks!
Stephanie Kong
01:13:36
Thanks!
Stephanie J
01:13:43
Thank you for this training. You've helped so much
RA
01:13:43
Thanks
Ruth M. Pardee
01:14:11
There’s an assumption here that all of us are brilliant and geniuses. Do you believe everyone is? How do you know if you are, when there genuinely people out there who aren’t?
Lindsay
01:14:21
What changes have you noticed in your life since you have started noticing and using this strategy?
Stephanie Brener
01:14:35
Your example of saying “why did you ask that” sounded more relevant for a conversation with a partner, but how would you deal with men at work who assume you’re dumber than you are?
Kacey
01:17:21
It’s up to us to assume the positive and give the benefit of doubt at every turn. Assume others are genuine and kill them with kindness. If they’re being an asshole that’ll surface and they’ll shut themselves up. Otherwise you might just understand each other better and cultivate mutual respect. We can’t change others, we can just be positive and genuine.
Ruth M. Pardee
01:21:36
I guess I struggle with applying the macro to myself: I totally agree that WAY more genius women than claim it! But how do you know that YOU yourself are?
Ruth M. Pardee
01:21:50
yes
Ruth M. Pardee
01:21:57
Yes exactly
Ruth M. Pardee
01:22:08
I can’t talk here unfortunately
Ruth M. Pardee
01:22:20
I’m in a public space and can’t talk out loud
Ruth M. Pardee
01:23:01
Yes that’s exactly how I feel
Ruth M. Pardee
01:23:46
Thanks so much!
Ruth M. Pardee
01:24:03
No worries :)
Ruth M. Pardee
01:24:54
Thank you very much for your time and insights!
Stephanie Brener
01:24:55
Thank you!