Welcome to today's webinar Manage "Clearer sentences and paragraphs: Make your writing flow better" with Cassily Charles

If you have any technical issues please let me know here

If you have any questions for Cassily please put them in the Q&A box :)

Happy to see you Mel

Wonderful for the record.

Hi Cassily

Hello Cassily and Nicole

https://www.digitalhealthcrc.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/HANDOUTClearerSentencesParagraphs.pdf

Here is the link to the handout :)

clear - It is not hidden. All can understand it.

Hi! I’m an occupational therapist doing a PhD. No pears today!

Hi, I am second year Ph.D. at Flinders University, studying at Humanities, Arts and Social Science.

Hi, I’m Maria. I’ve just started my PhD at the School of Management at QUT Business School, Australia. My research focus is on the changing nature of work, particularly in the gig economy. Just coffee, no fruit

Hey Cassily, I am back after a week. Doing PhD in mobile communication from QUT Brisbane.

hi, I am macey, doing a phd in nursing, at my desk in Canberra. just had a toastie!

I am writing my thesis. Not much sun here is Sydney. Hung clothes outside

Hey :) I'm a 3rd PhD student studying collagen. I'm at QUT in Brisbane. No pears, but apples :)

Gihan, Flinders University, Adelaide.... Research Officer and PhD candidate..... Cyber Security

Hi. I’a Arwa. First year phd. I’m from Saudi

Hi and from QUT in my second year MPhil. I am on the Gold Coast. My research topic is Co-designing financial management capabilities with community based organisations in PNG

Hi, I'm Alex doing a PhD in Communication Networks at the University of Canberra. I'll have some pears and apples later today

I'm doing PhD in Canberra, no pear but 2 madarins. I'm doing research on how women conceptualise leadership by exploring their conceptual metaphors.

Hang Tran from Vietnam, doing research in Australian media's representation in Indigenous poverty reduction at the University of Canberra

Hi, I'm Sawad.I’ve just started my PhD in IT, My research focuson Improving Learner Experience in Online by Using Social network analysis.

can understand on a first read

Clear - message from author is the same the audience is getting

Make the reader understand

I can understand it

Makes sense

structured well

Understandable and flow

I have a peer assessment to validate it

makes sense, not complicated

Easy to understand and smooth flow, persuasive.

Clear message and understandable

the same meaning as intended by the writer

I heard in Japan it is reverse. Not sure how it works!

I’m just experiencing a ‘keen on complex sentence structure and big words’ stage, makes even my supervisor don't understand what I want to say in my paper draft.

demonstrate my understanding and arguments.

clearly convey the message....

keep examiners on the same journey I want them

Convey a compelling and logical argument to the reader

increase chances of publishing

My sentences are too long, because I don't structure sentences well and it makes my writing verbose (just like this sentence)...

Is it possible for all participants share their comments with attendees as well as panellists, please?

Sorry

Yes thanks Nicky, I was wondering why I'm not seeing all the comments that Cassily is talking about :-)

oh sure - just saw the option

For some reason the chat defaults to panellists only

just change your settings, click on the blue option and you will see two options.

Try clicking on panelists and scroll to panelists and attendees

Planner!

definitely a planner!

drafter

Definitely a drafter!

I'm a drafter

Im a drafter

Drafter

drafter

Planner

drafter

Drafter

a bit of both, leaning towards planner

Not sure

Not sure! I think I need to do some more writing to find out …

I think a bit of both

planner and drafter

a bit of both

drafter

Planner

Mostly drafter

more of a drafter than a planner

Think an integration of both would be great

depends how much time I have!

You mentioned this last week and I have been drafting because I have been told to write. I am now planning and I feel like I am in more control and structured in my writing.

Get attached to writing and cannot delete

Can you repeat what the planner does?

I think I'd like to be a planner but don't seem to be a very good one

Work on clarity during then?

Thanks!

How can we transition from a drafter to planner

Good questons Yasar

I have found paragraph labelling helpful in going from drafting to planning.

index

sign posting

table of contents

topic sentences

glossary of terms

subheadings

headings

introduction stating what you are going to be addressing

mostly last sentences of paragraphs

sentence links

Yes

Science paper all insist to tell

agree

Yep

Still here :)

all ears

yup

agree

hear hear

Breathing!

yes

yes

last sentence moves to th eoutline

Content first, then topic starts with "this essay examines," outline starts with "this essay will first"?

This essay starts the topic

The last sentence is the the outline

I think last sentence can

Yes this is clear

Yes

"this essay examines" tells us the aim of the writing...and the las sentence tells us the outline

outline is there in last sentence

The last sentence

yes..

yes

yes

Yes, the last sentence sets that up

yes

Educational landscape of Afghanistan

Education landscape is next paragraph and then specific factors

Educational landscape of Afghanistan

then specific factors

And factors affecting the access to school

going on from demographics,

Here is the link to the recording of 'Critical writing part one'. https://zoom.us/rec/play/0334iqfUsMhcTz7AQJeglBpvBs_fTXhWKElcc6WbJ1NSDGTo6zV99Wd2MeTRxiTRSP1QbBSXQCaJOT_q.tZ6d5De4sGhVWZZR?autoplay=true&startTime=1599552135000Here is a link to the recording of 'Critical writing part two'. https://zoom.us/rec/play/L51bz9Y-B_36esWxz2CvfT4MwX-XPg7mzx6n6ICaZZ27BvASevWsLWHh66Wdrf0FJJTNuTnaoJR3l_dx.MZlNhMDMXRixY4aC?autoplay=true&startTime=1599638405000

geograpaphy

gender and birth order

gender, birth order

gender

gender

Culture, gender

gender and birth order

gender, war

gender birth order

Gender and birth oder

culture

Infrastructure, socio-economic, gender, age, parents education,

role of gender, birth order and opportunities,

context - first four sentences/ topic - this essay examines - outline is the last sentence

poverty

yes more confident

Not aware before today

I don't think I do the outline well

Wonderful thank you so much :-)

Yes, all good. I have been asked to do this by my supervisors

I'm a drafter so this is really helpful

one thing is that tenses are mixed in it

Most science paper give same outline

https://www.digitalhealthcrc.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/HANDOUTClearerSentencesParagraphs.pdf

Handout if any one missed it

Yes

clear

Am I alone in that I can't see this paragraph in the handout? (minor thing cos we can see it in on the screen)

Same here

Same here

me too

Two major reasons

two major reasons

two major reasons

not the only factors

Two major reasons

two major reasons

two major reasons

This is great Cassily

Does the mindmap function in NVivo break down each topic that you should include in each paragraph?

Is it common to break downa topic sentence into multiple sentences?

all g

More information on labelling

please :)

Can a topic sentence spill into multiple paragraphs?

Got it, that's terrific.....thanks!

That's brilliant!

In paragraph, I was told one topic per paragraph... are we still on it or in academic has it evolved?

Sociological research has been criticised for two

critical of social structure

1. Ignoring individual disposition of students.

The sociology of school persistence and attrition has two main criticisms, social structure and individual passivity

2. Treating students as passive recipients.

The sociological perspective of research has two main criticisms.

There are two problems with the sociological perspective which may influence the outcomes.

Sociological perspective has been criticised and has main two drawbacks.

Sociology research has been criticized for two main factors: social structures and norms and, the treatment of individuals as passive recipients

The sociological perspective has faced some criticism as it ignores factors about individuals.

topic: sociological perspective which is ignoring individuals

Sociological perspective has been criticised for two main drawbacks.

focusing only on environmental forces for 'social address' studies: social structure, norms, and treat individual as passive recipient

There are 2 main criticisms about sociological perspectives

Cassily is it better to reveal the criticisms or just topic sentence

Sophia's topic sentence did not introduct the issues

I like it but wondered

Can lists and sequence follow a topic sentence

Sociological perspective has been criticised and has main two drawbacks.

what about transitional sentences? When transiting from one topic to another topic, do you put it at the end of a paragraph, or at the beginning of the next paragraph

Yes, that makes sense, I introduced the probs but Sophia's was great

Sorry Sophiya - misspelt your name :(

That s awesome, thanks for the tips Cassily !

audio quality

oh no

ooo

good now

its better now

better

good now

much better

It sounded like a crossed line with white noise

much better

thanks...better now

it is good volume now

Your audio has returned to normal volumne now!

it's better

its working well now

It's all good now Cassily

It was only a short, loud burst

Working well now

so first verb is always the break between theme and rheme?

Context is king!

Interesting - not heard this before. Great tip!

old information before new information

Would supporting sentences be different between 1st sentence or 3rd topic sence

The last sentence is so much shorter and clearer than the middle sentence

grab bag of ideas

no links between sentences

too much and disconnected

behaviors, effects, mixed up

not very flow

many passive sentences

very disjointed all over the place

seems like its just a list

the theme and rheme could be swapped?

it's not linked well

not connected well

All good stuff though

A list of sentences that happen to be in the same para

for the 1st topic sentence, would supporting sentences be more focused on explaining on “sociological research” (theme) or the theme (social structure and norms”

too much words

fastest?

found

growing

found

abrupt writing

new

New

new

internet use=surfing the net

assumed all know it

no

No

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

No

no

don't you think it is assumed as known info

Lovely

better

WAAAAY BETTER

yes much better

bit better

better

yes, it has improved a lot, flows better

well connected structure

improved but still not 100%

version 2 is better but there is still no link between sentences

hub of wheel connection...good explanation

this one is much better!

better

way better

better structure

some links and lists

goes further

better flow

well structured

This is way better! Establishes links between sentences

chain link

they've been grouped

also has an outline

they link back to rheme

linking back to the end of the previous sentence

back to theme

addictive behaviour, face to face contact, serious probelms

Flows and adds info

to the end of previous sentence

is the previous one is a dot point presenation

That's a great pick up Lijun

thanks Jenny! :-)

This is a really helpful approach for the second attempt at a journal where the word count is 1500 words less!

very helpful

*manuscript attempt in a second journal

back to the topic sentence

A sentence for each rheme

all link back to topic sentence rheme

theme is last three sentences go back to rheme in first sentence

all link back to topic sentence and not the rheme

all the sntences

link back to topic

theme of each sentences link to the outline of topic sentence

back to rhyme again, with parallel supporting sentences

still flows and is readable but worry about the jumping back to the topic sentence

still flows

the rest sentences are supporting sen to the topic

this is useful for scientific writing, where lists are more accepted

ok

very clear

All good

terrific stuff

all I need to do is figure out how to do it myself

Cassily you've been discussing the tool kit for use in a thesis, would it be as useful in writing a manuscript (results section for example)?

this is wonderful, thank you so much.

I second Michelle

I third Michelle

sorry I missed the tool kit part. what tool kit is it?

All the material we've been discussing, Cassily referred to it as a toolkit

Ok thanks Jenny

No problem :)

I think I'm going to start dreaming about rhemes lol

Reread my manuscript

review my writing

first reread my manuscript

revisit all my thesis writing and make necessary changes/adjustments

examine for links in my paragraphs

reread

and try to become a planner rather than an "all over the place" drafter

go though my recent manuscript and see what I have done:D

Lots of writing, including my 1st year drsfts

I will use this toolkit checklist to review and rewrite my confirmation report

learnt so much from today's session so will be going through my manuscript

Leave it to the editing phase - have to get the ideas on page first

Great tools to use when can’t get paragraph right

agreed, but drafting doesn't seem to be working for me :-)

and take the results section, each para and rework to probably create the long distance type of writing

Going to reveiw my thesis writing

Thanks Cassily, it is really helpful

It seems I need to review the tool kit first( a bit blurry)

Do you think bullet points or lists have a place in writing

Thank you Cassily, Mel and Nicole

Thank you!

this has been soooo great. Thank you Cassily, Mel and Nicole

Thanks

Thanks

Thank you

Thank you ~

Thank you - great session with great practical stips

Thanks everyone, it is very useful.

thank you very much

Thank you very much

thanks for organising this wonderfully informative session

tips!

Brilliant session, very helpful, thank you.

Thank you all

Thank you Cassily and Dr Mel!

Thanks!

Thanks Cassily and Dr Mel. its always helpful attending these webinars

Many thanks for another fantastic session Cassily!

Thank you Cassily.

Thanks all!

will join for tomorrow session

cant wait

me too

Many thanks its been fantastic!

Many thanks Cassily

thank you Cassily!

Thank you Cassily, Dr Mel and Natalie

Thank you.